Take a look at a couple ways people tend to separate themselves from visitors when their real intent is to get closer.

“The Greeter” – Place someone at every door to your building and make sure no one can get in without passing through their gates, right? I’m not totally against someone being at the door to open it and say something like “good morning” to every person, but if your greeters are more like guards then you should re-think this.

“The Tour Guide” - Isn’t church about the people? Rather than showing someone around the building (unless they ask for it) why don’t we just relax and try to get to know them first? Make sure your building is well marked for things like bathrooms, and keep an eye open for someone who looks like they are looking for something – you can always ask “can I help you.”

“The Talker” – What if we let them talk to us. Offer to listen by shutting up sometimes. Care about what they say. Make it your goal to remember what they tell you. Especially their name. “everyone should be quick to listen” [James 1:19]

“The Labeler” - Asking someone “are you new?” or “is this your first time?” separates us in many ways. People hear “you’re an outsider” or “we’re better than you” because you are new and I am not. Try something like “hi, my name is Dean” or “have we met?”

“The Counter” – Every person that comes to your church is important – but don’t make getting their name on your mailing list more important than getting them to come back next week. Asking someone to fill out a “visitors” card so that YOU have their information recorded could send the message that you care more about numbers than relationships.

“The Interrupter” - When someone is already talking to someone you would like to meet, don’t interrupt them, wait for your turn without hovering. I can’t tell you how many times someone has tried to separate me from someone just as we were getting to know each other.

“Wetting yourself” – There’s a term we use in marketing called “we weeing all over yourself.” It’s where you talk more about yourself than you should. Statements that begin with “we” or “our” or other words like that. I’m not saying you shouldn’t answer questions when asked, but to push answers to questions that have not yet been asked can do just that, “push” people away.

There is obviously a balance somewhere between cold and being pushy, but realize that some people just want to anonymously check you out for a little while. Don’t force them to go faster then they want. Be available to help without forcing them to take it.

A brother offended is twice as hard to win back as a walled city.